she endlessly thinks of the what ifs and the what will be.. though she forces the what-is on her mind each breath she takes. it is hard to think in the future tense. tense-d. yes that's exactly how the future makes her feel. ah if the world was just as puny as a pea... that is a pea under twelve sets of pillows, THAT would be the life. but that is simply a fable. something to learn from but doesn't quite exist.
she doesnt know why she has this need to please. maybe it's because she's tired of being a let-down all her life, of constantly causing tears to roll down other people's faces, of constantly having to let people worry, of constantly wanting to let go of this world. she remembered the past just like it happened yesterday, always there to haunt her, to remind her what a bad person she is, what a bad daughter she is. and it is beyond overwhelming. she dreams of letting go of all this baggage but words are all she has. a ratio of a million words to a quarter of an ounce of courage.
she has found love. she is more than grateful for each moment. but the scars have tainted it. there has to be a way to survive this. she needs to be strong. she needs to stop the bleeding. she just needs to know that there is a bigger purpose for everything.
