it's kind of not so average today. i now know where my stability lies. it's in feeling accomplished. it felt good when things i arranged had results. meetings were pushed, schedules made, tons and tons of email. and after all that, they trusted me with the amount. risking a couple of tens of thousands on my decision really meant a lot to me. it wasn't like before where i was "given" a multi-million peso account and never even included me in anything. and there were no results. it was just disappointing and discouraging.
so back to today. the meeting was set. but not everything was in my hands. with traffic, distance, time constraints, it did not push through. maybe that's why i feel a little bit uneasy right now. i really hope it works tomorrow. no traffic please. i really want something to push through because i've worked at it.
on a different note: my family has decided to stop paying for my phone bills today. we'll it's not like i never asked them to stop. i've done so a couple of times but they insisted that they pay. and right now, out of nowhere, they want to cut it, without me asking for it. i kind of feel sad, like i'm being cut off; like i'm no longer part of the family. weird.
sometimes i just wanna be cut from everything. i imagine it to be less complicated i guess. but i'm sure it'll get pretty lonely. so i think twice. but imagine the freedom!! weeeeee. that's all i want really. the freedom... to choose, to feel, to learn, to love.
tomorrow will be better. and as my wallpaper screams:
"HOLY SHIT! I'M ALIVE!!!!!!"
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